Paranoia

The spiders are out to get me today.

The huge-assed spider in the kitchen window was still there this morning as I was making my breakfast.

A stupid-assed spider built its web anchored to the concrete slap of our back deck area and I walked into it. I did NOT get the spider on me.

A tiny but still spidery spider was on the driver's side window of my car. I was brave and smushed that one by rolling down my window. It could have gotten in my car.

There was a gigantic daddy-long-legs (I know... not technically a spider but they're spiders in MY book. They ARE arachnids. I was brave again and looked it up. Unbelievably brave.) on the gas pump right under the lever and I didn't notice it until I was half way done pumping gas.


(BTW... tarantulas are not spiders. Tarantulas cannot be used to say that a huge-assed spider is not huge. Tarantulas are NIGHTMARE TERRORS FROM THE DEEP DARK DEPTHS OF THE WORLD.)